Me today. 220lbs. Down from 294+lbs Feb 2011.
Size 14. 90lbs left to lose, but I feel GREAT for the first time in years.
I’ve been through therapy and am on medication for my depression and I think that’s helped me feel like I’m more than my weight.
THIS FEELING IS THE REAL PROGRESS PICTURE.
A few more from today:
I actually like that my butt looks like a butt and not just a huge blob. THIS IS NEW.
Me at my high weight:
I haven’t updated in forever…
I was so depressed when I started this blog. All I thought about was losing weight.
I don’t feel like that any more. I still have A LOT of weight to lose (I’m BACK at 220lbs. I had gotten almost to 210lbs, but my priorities shifted), but I know how to do that now and it doesn’t feel like SUCH AN EMERGENCY.
When I started this blog I never left the house except to work out. I only thought about what to eat and how to burn those calories. I didn’t have a social life or friends.
Now that I’m better, I don’t feel like my life or worth are defined by my weight. I’m still not where I’d like to be, but I feel FINE… for the first time in a VERY VERY VERY long time.
This feeling is better than any dramatic progress picture.
I have a social life. I have friends. I go out all the time.
This is recovery.
I’ll post pics from today in a few minutes.
Some days you just feel terrible and fat and ugly…
…and today is one of those days.
Nothing has changed. I haven’t gained any weight. I’m in a smaller size that I’ve been in years….
But if you FEEL horrible, you feel horrible.
I just want to be SMALL. I’ve been at this weight loss thing for a year and I just want to be at my goal already.
I’m less fat than I was, but I’m still fat. I would just like to NOT BE FAT.
I’ll probably feel better by tomorrow, but for right now, I feel horrible.
Maybe it’s because I was really secluded until last month - and now, all of a sudden, I’m around a lot of people and being social. I’m just HYPER AWARE of how I look these days - compared to other women.
I feel … normal-looking … I guess… but still fat. That’s a big step, because I used to feel like a BEAST. AN OGRE. A MONSTER. And now I just feel fat.
There are guys everywhere! I’m attracted to them. Now I just feel like an idiot for even thinking anyone would be attracted to me.
Everything is happening at once and I’m just spinning.
I feel like in the last month, my life has gone from 0 to 60 and I’m just trying to keep up. It’s the weight, recovering from depression and social anxiety, and everything else!
I just want to not be fat. That would be one less thing to worry about.
This is me now in the 210s. I wear a size L shirt and size 14 pants - and these are some outfits I’ve worn out over the past few weeks. I still have about 80lbs left to lose to get to my goal weight.
This was me a year ago at 294+lbs:
I was talking to some friends and they didn’t believe I was over 200lbs still. The only thing I could say to them was STRENGTH TRAINING. Seriously. I’m almost OVER the scale at this point, because my measurements are decreasing faster than my weight at this point and I’ve gone from a size 18 to a size 14 barely having lost any actual WEIGHT.
I felt like for a while I was stuck in the 220s, now I’ve been around 215-218lbs for a while… but yeah…
I don’t know.
My measurements are down and I’m comfortably in a size 14 for the first time in YEARS. So… I have to try to keep the non-scale victories in mind.
I haven’t updated in a while, so I’ll post pictures in some new outfits when I get back home.
There’s a boy…
… I mean… I don’t even know what to say.
I’m kind of flabbergasted. Someone I actually like likes me.
That’s all it is now - and I’m definitely not confident enough to DATE anyone yet, but that alone is kind of mind boggling.
I’ll just enjoy this for now and work on myself until I’m ready to get back out there.
What is even happening?
BTW - I had kind of a weird day yesterday and am back at 217lbs, but I feel OKAY about it. I had an excellent workout today and ate clean, so I should have an on-track weigh in tomorrow.
Still within 5lbs of the halfway mark! I’m really enjoying myself - and my life - for the first time in a LONG time.
Progress pics soon - at 212lbs.
215lbs. 3lbs from the halfway point.
2lbs from the weight I was at 19 years old - though I was A LOT more toned then. Totally different body composition than I had 6 years ago, but same weight.
16lbs from being into ONEderland and out of the 200s.
25lbs from no longer being obese.
79lbs lost since last February.
My measurements are down.
I’m wearing smaller clothes.
All of this should equal happiness, right? It should.
I just feel unsure of everything though. Very unsure. I feel so IN FLUX. Like I’m in between states.
I’m thrilled with my progress, but I’m not there yet. I feel like I’m not even close.
I guess I’m just confused and frustrated.
78lbs lost in a year…
I just realized that as of this month, I’ve been actively losing weight for a year. It honestly simultaneously doesn’t feel like it’s been that long AAAAAAND feels like it’s been much longer.
I don’t know how that can be.
I started at 294lbs last February. As of this morning, I’m 216lbs!!! Only 4lbs away from my halfway point. Only 17lbs from being OUT OF THE 200s and into ONEderland. And only 26lbs away from no longer being obese (getting my nose pieced to celebrate).
It’s been nuts. Eating clean - very few processed foods, learning to eat wise portions, doing cardio - running and elliptical, doing strength circuits at home, drinking lots of water, and most recently adding low-med weight/high rep weight lifting and swimming.
I just want to keep going and reach my goal weight in 2012. I’ll post some before/during pictures once I lose the 4lbs to reach my halfway point.
This is the lowest I’ve been in this journey. Feels great!
5lbs from the half way mark - at which I will have lost 84lbs. Ohhh man.
I’m so close to being out of the 200s! Which means I’m close to NO LONGER BEING OBESE (190lbs!).
I can’t wait!!!!!
I said I’d only update my weight when I was back at 219lbs…
…and I finally am.
It took forever because I honestly haven’t been CONSUMED by weight loss recently.
For the first time in over a year, I’ve been losing weight in what seems like a balanced way. I’m still eating clean and exercising as usual, but it’s not ALL I’M THINKING ABOUT.
It really just feels like a lifestyle now. It’s a part of my life. It’s not my entire life.
This is kind of incredible. I still want to reach my goal weight this year, but it doesn’t feel like the most important thing in the world. I know I will continue to lose weight as long as I eat well, eat wise portions, do cardio, do circuits, swim, do weight machines….
I don’t have to OBSESS over it. It will happen.
This feels like progress. Mental progress. Which is just as important as any number on the scale.
Haven’t updated in a few days…
…and I haven’t gone to the gym or swam since Tuesday! It’s been a crazy week.
That said, I’m headed up there for an hour or so at the pool and some rounds on the machines NOW!
Still in the 220s. Honestly, I don’t know how I got so off-track with weight loss. I’ve been focusing on my professional goals for 2012 - kind of at the expense of my body goals.
I didn’t gain, but I haven’t lost either.
I just want to have an awesome work out today to make up for this week.
Ok, for all of you kind, but misguided people who say I don’t look like I’m 220lbs - take a gander at this catastrophe.
There’s nothing like a swimsuit to make a girl feel horrible.
But I’ve just added swimming to my fitness routine as of Saturday, so I’ll just have to suck it up and get over the fact that literally all of my … anatomical discrepancies … are on full display.
I SWAM TODAY!
…For over an hour. The hot lifeguard was there and I didn’t even care.
I can’t swim in a straight line and I kept going into other people’s lanes, but I swam nonetheless.
Just as with running, I’m starting off kind of shaky, but I know I’ll get better.
I’m looking forward to incorporating more swimming into my fitness routine. My shoulders were sore from yesterday’s weight reps, but it’s a good sore. And I could really feel the swimming in my thighs.
That said, my eye has been burning for about half an hour and I don’t know what to do.